its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
