Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
