Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
