and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
