I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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