his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
