ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize