Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize