she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
