finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize