Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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