Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
