I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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