He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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