she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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