never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
