Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
