she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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