So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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