new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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