are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
