When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize