Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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