so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
