My friends, they love my intelligence
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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