Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
