Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
