hotel room ftw
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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