Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
COCAINE IS GR8
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
