Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
