YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drake has all the answers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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