Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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