i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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