i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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