I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize