take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
