I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
