Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
