My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
