my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am available for nakedness
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
