your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
