____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Help. Why am I so naked?
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