Small penises have feelings too.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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