she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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