I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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