Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
