Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
