shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this boner is exhausting
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
