Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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