Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
