and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm always down for nudity.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize