so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize