you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
