I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
