I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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