I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
