I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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