woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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