And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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