beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
