the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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