How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
