do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
