Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
