Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
