You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
