in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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