Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
