Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
