you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
