OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
