I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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