You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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