Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize